The Church will fail at meeting the needs of Christians who struggle with homosexuality if it doesn't value friendship the way it loves marriage.
During the past 20 years, Christians felt they were in a war for marriage. They thought they needed to protect it. The Church used energy to defend its idea of marriage politically. It didn't save any energy for meeting the needs of these particular Christians. This indirectly excluded Christians who struggled with homosexuality because the Church didn't focus on meeting the needs of those members.
When the U.S. Supreme Court was listening to the arguments concerning Prop 8, both sides arguing their case referred to marriage as an ancient historical institution created by humans to reproduce and start a family and where love can be experienced. This human connection has been in existence since the beginning of human history.
The Church also keeps this human interaction called marriage in place and believes that God created this human relationship. The Church has created multiple theologies concerning this topic.
The bond of Blood Brothers is a significant human connection within American society and the Christian Church, which has unfortunately been overlooked throughout human civilization.
As a Christian who struggles with homosexuality (I think the more accurate description is struggling with my masculinity), I look to the Christian Church and the scriptures for guidance concerning my life. As I have studied to understand a Christian ethic of sexuality, I realized my Christian evangelical community's theology of sexuality is more influenced by Disney eros and Western American eros rather than Biblical Christian tradition eros.
At the same time I was studying about this eros love, I ran into another love, one called Phila love, a love that seems to be lost in the Church. A love I think can solve the issues of Christians who struggle with homosexuality. This is called Brotherly love. And this brotherly love has been known throughout human history as a
Blood Brother.
And the Church starts with this love.
It started with Abraham and God making a blood Covenant as friends. (James 2:23)
And it was reaffirmed when Jesus made a Blood Covenant with humans(all the New Testament)
Blood Brothers can be the most significant expression of male friendship.
It has been celebrated and praised in myths, art, legends, and ancient stories throughout human civilization. It is still practiced in remote areas worldwide for thousands of years, just like marriage.
(look up the book called Blood Brothers by Jack Donovan. It is a book with 100 stories of rituals and cultures celebrating blood brothership. Look at the author's multiple sources. It is incredible. Also, google it and do some research)
"The desire to create blood-brotherhood seems to be a natural outgrowth of male friendship, an acknowledgment of the simple fact that men often develop bonds with men outside their biological family just as they do with their kin.
It answers, "Why should we, too, not be brothers?"
Blood-brotherhood extends the biological family; it creates a meta-family- a family beyond family. It borrows from the emotional range natural to brotherhood-Loyalty, camaraderie, mutually understood trust, and a sense of mutual empathy and attachment based on shared history, experiences, and interest." - Blood Brothers, Jack Donovan.
We see these male friendships at times exist within our own lives. I know a couple of male friends who celebrate this kind of connection. Since our society and Christian churches no longer know how to celebrate these certain relationships, we have words for these friendships that help us deal with the awkwardness. We call it bromance.
Historically, the Church celebrated it and even had a ceremony in which the two males would take communion together and make a covenant with each other for life.
Wesley Hill talks about these covenants in his book called Spiritual Friendship.
The love between friendships is excellent! God created them. They can be better and more intimate than marriages. The Church was so concerned with fighting for the value of marriage and it forgot to fight for the value of friendship.
The concept of a blood brother is remarkable. If you had a blood brother, anything they had was yours, and anything you had was theirs. You would defend each other's honor, family, and resources. You would celebrate with a ceremony involving both of your blood (similar to what God did with Abraham and what Jesus did with the Church) in front of a group of witnesses. It was a covenant for life! You knew you could count on this person for anything.
Christians who struggle with homosexuality have difficulty being in Church communities because we don't know if people are committed to us for life. Church leaders like to say trust in God for their needs because it takes the burden off them to sacrifice their idea of family.
Suppose Christian churches incorporated an ancient historical Christian idea of covenants between same-sex people, like they incorporate covenants of people of the opposite sex. In that case, our concept of Church community will be way more intimate and committed, an environment that will bless and meet the needs of many more humans who need to experience love and commitment.
The gay marriage debate was about people of the same sex fighting for the idea that they want someone to commit to them for life and meet their needs. Besides sexuality, I see gay-affirming humans asking the question that blood brothers answered, "Can someone be committed to me for life?" "Can others celebrate with me this covenant I am making with someone of the same sex as me?"
The answer to these questions is yes!
Let's make blood brothers in the Church!
God did it with Abraham, and Jesus did it with his Church.
Why can't we?
This is basically what those that struggle with homosexuality are asking for,
"Can someone make a covenant with me?"
"I promise to be there for you, defend your honor, protect your family, give you what is mine?"
"Can you do the same?"
"Would you want to do this?"
"Would you want to be my blood brother?"
Pastors and Church leaders, the burden is on you to transform our Churches and create a more intimate and committed community of friendship and marriage.
If you can create, encourage, and celebrate an old idea called marriage to meet the needs of those who are heterosexual in the Church.
Then you can create, encourage, and celebrate an old idea called Blood Brother to meet the needs of single, lonely, and longing for deep intimate friendship. You can still be married and do this, too, by the way.
Pastors and Church Leaders talk about Blood Brothers. Let's do it.
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