After we returned from lunch, we went to my friend's room to take a communal nap as we watched an episode of the office. It was something we did as a tradition on a Sunday. As I lay on his couch and he was on his twin-size bunk bed, he said, "Richard, come on up!" "Are you serious!" I replied. "Yea," he said. I jumped to his bed, and we positioned ourselves to get comfortable.
Then we started DOING IT!
We were cuddling.
Think about this, my friend, who is not attracted to men, who had a girlfriend, was cuddling with me, someone who was attracted to men. I was attracted to him, and he knew I was.
And we napped together.
Now I wonder how many of you already feel uncomfortable with this story.
Is it because it is "GAY?"
Or is it because it is not what is culturally normal?
Do you feel like I sinned? Was God angry about this?
A couple of months before that joyful nap, some friends and I went camping, it got freezing, and all of us (8 of us) crammed into a four-person tent. My friend and I slept by each other, and we spooned throughout the night. One time I lifted my head, and I saw another friend lying on top of another friend's chest, and I laughed, and my friend responded, "There is no other way Richard." It was hilarious.
When we returned from that trip, I told my friend it felt nice to sleep with someone and be that close to someone I emotionally feel close to. He said he understood and that he enjoyed it too. And that is when I asked him, "Can we do that again sometime? Like cuddle or something?"
Humans need touch. As babies, we need it! If we don't get cuddled and held as babies, we stop growing and can even die. If we don't receive touch as a child, it can have long-lasting effects as an adult. As adults, if we don't experience touch, we don't share releases of oxytocin that tell us we are being cared for and loved. Research suggests sports teams can win more games if they touch each other. It can calm cardiovascular stress and helps us have compassion for other humans.
Hugs can help us strengthen the immune system. Hugs stimulate the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body's white blood cells, keeping us healthy and fighting disease. (I got all this touch research from Psychology Today)
Physiologically we need TOUCH!
As Christians, we need TOUCH!
And as Jesus commands his followers to meet the needs of the World, that includes TOUCH!
GAY PEOPLE NEED TOUCH!
CHRISTIANS NEED TO TOUCH GAY PEOPLE! It is not an option.
I believe the reason a lot of Christians who struggle with homosexuality turn to the gay community is because they are longing for intimate experiences of touch (cuddling, putting their head on someone's shoulder as they watch a movie, sleeping in the same bed, and long hugs). However, they are not getting that from the Church.
Go to a gay bar, and you see everyone touching each other with hugs, kisses, and pats on the butt, and all of this is done in a non-sexual way. They dance together and have a good time, filling their touch need. And since they are having a good time, laughing and dancing, why not hook up with the guy or girl that wants to give more touch? Why deny something you are longing for? You will not get it from the Church. Why not get it from other humans that will touch you?
Go to a Church, and the only people you see continually touching each other are married folks or couples dating.
So if you are someone who longs for same-sex touch and you need it, and long for it, and not getting it causes pain, why not get it from a community that offers it, right?
Whenever my friends touch me, it is so enjoyable. I feel so loved. Recently, there has been a shift in touch within the young crowd of America.
There was a study done in the 1960s by Dasher Keltner, a Psychologist. He went to study friends at coffee shops, and in America, the two friends touched each other twice. In Britain, they touched each other zero times. In France, the number shot up to 110 times per hour. In Puerto Rico, friends touched each other 180 times.
I'm sure there are many reasons why we shouldn't be touching everyone. However, when it comes to our friends, especially fellow brothers and sisters, we need to embrace each other more than the norm physically. We are losing out because we are holding back.
Women tend to be more comfortable touching each other and kissing each other. For men, something interesting occurred in the 60s and 70s. Historians have written about a time when men used to be more comfortable with touch. However, when the sexual revolution took place, men backed away. They didn't want to be identified as gay. So they stopped touching each other. Recently, with the acceptance of homosexuality, men have been able to show more bromance with each other and physically have been more open to touch.
But in the CHURCH, we are still far from that.
Let's bring back touch in our lives!
Let's share beds!
Let's hug longer!
Let's be open to physical closeness, even if it might feel awkward for a while.
You don't need to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend to get a long-lasting intimate touch.
If you know anyone who struggles with homosexuality, ask them how much they want touch, they might feel awkward about that, but I bet you 1000 bucks they want touch from friends.
Back to the beginning of my story, my friend let me share the same bed and cuddle with him a couple more times. It was so warm and comforting. To be so close to someone you love and know loves you. There is no sex, and there is no sexual tension. It is simply a form of love being given to another human in need of healthy touch. I felt extremely loved by my friend. Don't we all want to feel nice and warm next to someone? Why does it have to be a spouse? One time he reached around me and told me that he loved me and to have a good night.
Isn't this what we are all fighting about? What can love look like? The Jesus kind of love?
Not everyone is ready to help people in profound, uncomfortable healthy, Godly ways. However, they can do it, and it will take time. One time I asked, and he said no. And I was okay with him saying no because I already knew he was trying to love me and meet the deep physical needs in my life.
But we have to ask each other for touch.
It is scary but worth it.
We will hear yes and no.
I have been fortunate to have friends who let me sleep on their bed with them and have some pillow talk before we go to bed, embracing each other. It is pretty nice.
I wonder how many men and women go to sleep asking God if they can have someone next to them to ask them about their day, embrace physical friendship and say good night?
As a human, I would love that.
Hopefully, the Church can offer that.
If the gay community can, I don't understand why the Church can't
The Church is more loving than the World
It is God's HANDS and FEET.