Today I saw a soccer game one of my friends was playing. My friend is a leader on the team, and many of the guys look up to him. He is a pretty relaxed and likable dude. But today, after the game, I saw something that reminded me there is hope for the Church to be the primary family for those belonging to Jesus' New Kingdom who are single, married, and attracted to the same sex. Specifically, it reminded me that singles and those attracted to the same sex can be leaders in the Church. Primary players in the Church.
I have gone to the last three games of the soccer season my friend is in. I stand in the crowd watching the game and the team's bench. I'm a pretty observant person, and the fact I find men attractive makes me observe men more than the usual man.
As I'm watching the game, seeing who is starting and who is subbing, I see this one dude who hasn't played any of the games that I have attended passing out waters, encouraging his teammates and being on alert to be called in. He has his jersey on, cleats are on, he is yelling his cheers for his team, and he is getting whatever the teammates need to continue with the game. When someone comes out of the game, he is ready, waiting to hand them a water bottle. He helps with their stretching, puts away the equipment, and does the unnoticed dirty work. I have seen him doing the same routine in the last couple of games. But he still doesn't get playing time. Others do the same to support the team, but they get playing time. But this guy doesn't. He is what you call "benched."
Now maybe this guy isn't good when it comes to his soccer skills. Perhaps he has a bad attitude toward the coach. There can be many reasons he isn't getting playing time. But he is still on the team. And the point of being on the team is to play soccer with the team. I applaud this guy for being there for his teammates. He is supporting them and loving them in considerable unnoticed ways.
But today, the coach told him to go in for someone towards the end of the game. This guy took off his yellow jersey (which players on the bench need to wear), ran on the field with his teammates, waited for the whistle, and started playing soccer. This dude played for about 3 minutes. The game ended. After the team huddled, stretched, and packed to go home, this dude walked to my good friend, said a word or two, and started crying in my friend's arms. He was in my friend's sweaty, assertive, affectionate, warm, and loving arms and shoulders for 2 minutes crying. He was crying for about 2 minutes.
I was Jealous.
Why did he cry in my friend's sweaty, firm, warm and loving arms for a minute or 2? Because this dude got to play soccer with the team for 3 minutes, filled with joy and affirmation. And he got to feel more assurance as he hugged and cried in my friend's arms.
It was beautiful.
Don't we all want to be affirmed by our team? And then celebrate our wins and losses with a hug filled with hard work and perseverance.
If you were to talk with the soccer team after the game, the guys wouldn't care. They are all sweaty and smelly, hugging each other. When they hit the showers together, they don't care about the vulnerability the communal showers call them to. They are naked. They just fought a battle as a team, and they will now recover and love each other. They are vulnerable to each other. And care deeply for each other.
This guy experienced the fullness of playing soccer with the team for 3 minutes and cried in my friend's arms because of it.
For those struggling with same-sex attraction (or have a deep longing for same-sex intimacy) or single, we want to play on the team of those that are married with families. Maybe I should say we want to be a part of the CHURCH! Even if it is 3 minutes. We are on the benches, wanting to help, called to lead and be senior pastors (even though we are not married). We have gifts that we can offer the Church. We have time that we can provide families with. We have a love that we can offer friends.
Please give us some playing time.
On top of the gifts, we can offer the Church, we are also in a big battle. We are tempted to pursue a romantic relationship with the same sex, but we believe that goes against God's plan for sex. So we need to offer our affection in holy ways to those in the Church. Please help us learn how to do that in godly ways, and please give us the chance to have Christian intimacy with you. This battle is really heavy in our lives. Sometimes it causes us to not want to live. So having this heaviness in our lives and constantly feeling like we are on the bench doesn't help the situation.
This analogy fails because the coach decides when this dude can play soccer with the team. However, God has already decided all people are allowed to play on the CHURCH'S team and its mission. There are NO SUBS!
Please include us in your lives! Make us get groceries for you! Have us watch your kids, have dinner with you and your family, take us on dates with you and your spouse, and have us third wheel it. Make us responsible for meeting the daily needs in your lives. Look at us in our eyes and tell us that we are meaningful. Have face-to-face intimacy with us. We need it. That is called accountability. God has already called us to have some playing time with you.
Please don't get overwhelmed when we want to cry in your arms because of the joy or pain of living with you and playing on the same team.
Please don't think we are obsessed with your lives and are making idols of wanting to be included in your family.
We want to cry in your arms because we are in pain and joy. We want to cry in your arms because we are playing some soccer with you.
We want to cry in your sweaty, strong, loving, and warm arms because we are on the same TEAM.
My friend affirmed this dude and created a safe place in his arms, chest, and shoulder to cry in and feel the affirmation, love, strength, and brotherhood that this dude belongs to. He was rejoicing. My friend was meeting a need. A great need.
How awesome that we can meet each other's needs like this!
That is called a blessing.
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