How Marriage offers me the 4T's

 This year is the year of weddings for me.  If you attend a Christian University, the chances of you going to multiple weddings after you graduate are pretty high.  

During my undergrad years at Biola, I had a chaotic falling out with some friends which came down to the discussion of friendships and marriage within the Church.

Because the community I was a part of valued marriage as the ultimate form of intimacy between humans, I experienced myself being placed on the back burner of the lives of my friends.  I was fighting for a place to be loved intimately, my friends simultaneously were indirectly putting me at a place to be isolated.  I wasn’t equal in regards to my present Christian sexual vocation.  If being “single” is a vocation, it definitely was treated as a life that has to revolve around the vocation of marriage.  To some extent, this is taking place in the present Evangelical Church. Marriage runs the show, celibacy has to follow.  It isn’t a TEAM effort, it isn’t community.  It is a dictatorship with marriage being the dictator.

So, I decided for a couple of years I didn’t want to go to any weddings because there wasn’t any reason for me to celebrate something I saw that was harming the Church and hurting me.  

But this year was different.  I wanted to celebrate and affirm the marriages I knew were taking place.  I may not agree with all the views my friends have when it comes to marriage illustrating the love Jesus has for the Church, but it is enough for me to see the Holy Spirit working in the lives of Christians getting married and understanding community is essential to their marriage and that they need to include single people in their life.

And in both weddings I attended, I was loved by my friends in a very simple but profound way.  

When my friend’s Kolby and Bethany got married, it was a great week!  A lot of fun activities with friends and family took place.  A trip to the lake, lots of spike ball, bbq’s, wiffle ball, dinners, etc.  It was beautiful to see so many friends and family reign down blessings and surround Kolby and Bethany as they entered a calling to live a covenantal relationship with each other.

That week was a tough emotional week for me for various reasons, one being my homo erotic desires sky rocketed on a day when I was with Kolby’s guy friends for the day.  I was grateful I can text 15 guys processing with them what was going on in my heart and in my mind.

That is Community.

The wedding was very simple, eloquent, and beautiful.  

But it was when we were dancing that a very important moment took place for me that I know Kolby intentionally lead.

As we were having a great time dancing, the DJ decided to put on a "couple song," and said, “This is for all the couples out there that want to dance together.”  I stepped to the side not actually bothered by this because I saw a lot of older married folks that had the chance to dance together.  Then I saw Kolby tell Bethany something and then she was walking towards me and asked me to dance with her.

How cool is that?

The time when the Bride and Groom can be dancing together with everyone, the Bride danced with me.  

The Groom was making sure people were being taken care of at his wedding.  Especially the single folks. He expected his bride to meet others were they are at, and she did, she danced with me.  

Sort of like Jesus expects his Bride to love others on earth. Jesus has every right to just go on his "honeymoon," but instead he wants the Bride his Church to love others before the great day of his return takes place.  

I hope the Married Church knows they have so much time to give to the lost, even the gays or Christians struggling with homosexuality. 

This little dance session I had with my friend’s Bride meant a lot to me.  I don’t know if they knew how important this meant to me or how profound it was to me, but it meant a lot.

Here is the beautiful couple with me in the middle.

Love these people

Love these people

Now three weeks after their wedding, my friends Jeremy and Lindsey got married. Here is the picture that makes me feel loved.

We barely started drinking so it isn't the alcohol

We barely started drinking so it isn't the alcohol

Now my friend Jeremy is someone that has walked along side me for the last couple of years.  When I first met him I was extremely attracted to him.  Now that I have been able to process a lot of those feelings with him, my attracted towards him has changed into a deep care for him as one of my closest friends and a brother in the family of Jesus. 

Lindsey has been very open and accepting of our friendship and I am grateful she understands how important Jeremy is to me. 

I also love how much she loves her friends! She is awesome and is willing to learn about the lives of others and how to love them well.

This picture illustrates the love Jeremy has for me and the care Lindsey has for me.

We were taking quick pictures together making a toast and we wanted some other fun shots and I don't know who yelled it out, but one of them said, "Lets kiss him," and there you have it. 

The bride and groom kissing me. 

This picture reminds me of how valuable I am.

Before they got married, they asked me to move in with them, but logistically it couldn't work out. But even that was very important to me because they are willing to include me in their lives. 

I'm sure there will be future hurts that both my newly married friend couples will do to me, and hurts I may cause them.  We may even have theological disagreements about marriage which we already do, but one thing is for sure, they know how much love I need from them and how much love they need from me.

They know I need TOUCH

They know I need TIME (especially time)

They know I need Transparency (emotionally, spiritually, and physical transparency, Korean spas)

They know I need Teamwork (community)

I need the 4T's.

They know they need the 4T's as well.

Day by day I have more hope the Church is changing and understands marriage has more potential than what it is accomplishing now.  Marriage can really show the world how Jesus loves the Church. 

It can be a simple dance or a simple kiss that turns the heart of a sinner to the grace and justice of Jesus.

It can be a simple dance or a simple kiss that turns the hurt Christian that struggles with homosexuality to the Church.

It can be a simple dance or a simple kiss that proves to gays that Marriage isn't the most intimate relationship a human can have. 

It can be a simple dance or a simple kiss that proves friendship is deep, meaningful, and intimate. 

It can be a simple dance or a simple kiss that can show others we love them the way Christ loves the Church.